May 31, 2015
025 Frozen Shit Swan
“Over here the bubbles just sit on beanbag chairs and flip you off when you ask them to vote.”
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May 25, 2015
024 Porky Pig’s rainbow glory hole
“I’m not a hasbian or a yestergay, I’m a nowcoholic. I live for today!”
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May 20, 2015
023 A venus flytrap and pineapple salad
“Eat a salad of venus fly traps, and pineapples. And beetles. The salad that eats you back. Try to eat it first. And coral reef.”
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May 19, 2015
022 This is not a load-bearing stuffed sloth
“You do really bad things like not buying novelty stuffed tree sloths. What a terrible person.”
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May 10, 2015
021 Middle-age Competent Architect Cats
“There are probably pockets of farmers holding guns and just refusing to change their clocks.”
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“Most sensible people and well-read elephants understand this already”
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May 3, 2015
019 Can you feel the algorithm?
“I don’t think that movie’s probably popular anymore because of the retarded Michael Keaton.”
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April 30, 2015
018 Turn your D into a P
“We don’t need you to come in. We know what your nipples look like. I’ve got them memorized. They haunt my nightmares. I can no longer make love to my wife.”
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April 25, 2015
017 Hissy fit jeans have more flare
“I did the math using common core and, from what I can tell, you owe me seven tomatoes and also four tomatoes and two tomatoes and six tomatoes.”
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“Everyone knows how to turn lemonade into pee. But can you get it back the other way?”
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