“Crystal Meth Clear”

“I gotta go buy a new harpoon gun to do more drugs into my veins”

“I’m gonna toilet you live today!”

“If you know something that I don’t then you’ve made it up and I don’t believe it”

“The new way to move your hands that’s called dancing”

“It’s like if you took ‘the more you learn the less you know’ to its next logical step which is ‘the less you know the more you believe’… y’know.”

“Bafoonery Puffaloons”

“Imagine what an Egyptian douchebag was like”

“Idle hands spend time at the reassigned genitals”

“Originally, you see, when they built the pyramids, they were painted purple to attract the attention of people with regal bowel movements.”

“The windowless vans of the galaxy parking in orbit of earth to steal our signal”

“Did I tell you I got a new tinfoil hat? I ordered it off Amazon. It fits very nicely.”

“I’m not going to do anything special, I’m going to do nothing, which is special to me.”

“This isn’t something that’s smaller than me that I can torture to death? Oh well, not that big a deal.”

“No one likes to think of douchebag guys as victims. And there’s a reason for that because… fuck those guys.”

“This line in the sand isn’t just a line it’s a line of poetry in the sand. That’s written poorly.”

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