“I’m not sure how I could be sure of anything… since I am a lie.”

“I need a lube job. I’m feeling unemotionoil.”

“Your emotions are like genitalia. You don’t just show people.”

“Your dad likes my croutons”

“Now I have mixed feelings because there’s a parasite eating my brain.”

“Mother Nature is totally un-bro sometimes”

“Pixar’s Colostomy Bags”

“I feel like I’m gonna have to be the family’s asshole”

“Here’s your time. A box of broken hour glass.

“I don’t need to know a lot about things to argue against these people who somehow know even less about the things that I know nothing about.”

“If racism is a balloon, I have to catch it sometimes”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download