“In all my excitement for sibcasting today, a purple liquid just shot out of me. And I don’t know where it came from. Just somewhere in the middle. Belly button maybe?”

“Hey guys. I know guns, but people.” … “No but guns.”

“I self-identify as ‘confused’”

“Take back the rainbow. Because it’s awesome and it should represent humanity. It shouldn’t represent gay butt-sex. You can have the color brown.”

“Whoever wrote that definition, kudos. Two of them. No more. Two kudos. Just two. I have my limits. Yeah. I’m not made of kudos.”

“Anne Coulter. She’s like the female Donald Trump, plus hatred.”

“We should just put pornstars on our money.”

“It was either you or someone that you saw on TV. Or someone on the internet… Or something you made up.”

“We should all be so lucky to die from a busted drug condom. You’d take a trip into the next life.”

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