“Let’s get all the bitches straight!”

“Whether it’s a wooden, three-dimensional puzzle or a human corpse in the desert. Same process.”

“The amount of information that you must know is bafflingly distracting.”

“And then she was remarking about how fuckable one of the aquatic plants was.”

“You gaylicks! I’m spelling that a whole different way cause I just needed a new slur. And I couldn’t think of anything so I used a homonym. You homonyms!”

“That’s how Darrel dare rolls”

“That dude was stud-muffining around that whole movie. He was like ‘Maid Marian, check it out. You see anything you like? Is the end of the movie or the beginning of something else? What’s up? Turn the camera’s off.'”

“I’m a thought balloon, deflating.”

“Pandering to China, polarizing the Arctic, and going to Pinkberry”

“More power to you. I mean, I admire your spirit. And I hate your words and your face.”

“We got internets now. We got videos of animal abuse that we can watch in perpetuity. There’s no reason to keep abusing animals. Like, we abused them right the first time. We got it. We got it guys. We got the shot.”

“It’s such loose netting I thought it was just a string. I didn’t see any other strings around. It’s weird. Really shitty net.”

“It looks like it takes a horrendous shit. That’s its application process. It’s like the Hershey kiss, how it kisses the conveyor, and that’s how it got its name. Except this would be called the ‘Hershey Squirt’. And it wasn’t very packageable.”

“I think that those sounds hit people in the face holes just the right way.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download