“He looks like someone who would go eat at Long John Silver’s and then go murder somebody”

“Food is to be heard and not seen”

“That’s why we eat oysters. Because we feel an ancient need to seek vengeance upon them for our ancestors.”

“I’ve shit yourself!”

“It’s like the Inspector Gadget of genitals”

“Is there like a chain I can attach to my sausage wallet?”

“Someone has recycled all of the canniness”

“Those baby bears they’re like the oysters of land”

“No one wants to be faced with the color of their skin”

“Let’s not throw the dude-bro out with the baby water”

“Whether you have moral shoulders or not, they will be warmed by the flannels of earth”

“I don’t know why we expect Paula Deen to not be racist”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download