“It’s not a spit take it’s a spit give”

“Two 90in televisions. One for each boob.”

“May the sassiest survive and enjoy the superest of bowls”

“A ‘technicolormeter’. The same thing used to colorize The Wizard Of Oz is now being used to racially profile from a distance. At speed!”

“Many reasons… A litany of reasons… A plethora. A cornucopia. A panoply… of reasons. An encyclopedia… McNugget.”

“Japan has always been the lead innovator in suicides”

“If you’re young and fit, you’re good to go; if you’re fit and middle age, you’re probably alright; and then everyone gets old and we all look like trash when we’re 90.”

“From the mouths of Abes”

“There’s always a more miserable and rickety fish”

“So basically that character is I imagined who were uhhh… who were speaking on behalf of as… channeling… to… through… earth… here. Tofore! Known as!”

“Smashing cookies and ladies all night. That’s Santa for you.”

“Holy shit is Donald Trump Biff? I think Donald Trump is Biff!”

“I’m buying some super-automatic weapons – not semi, not automatic – some super-automatic weapons. And I’m taking them into the country into some holes that I dug… that I, Doug, contracted Phil to dig.”

“Jack Cozie: He gets a lot of business… givin’ the business.”

“I hope that they were awarded some sort of damages exceeding an i-beam almost through their eyeballs.”

“Commerce: The idea is to grow viable markets and promote healthy competition in order to drive prices down and quality up, ideally. So with a surplus of people perhaps there is a new demand… for parts of them.”

“Sunny Bono did not have much of a discourse with that tree. He didn’t really have a chance to argue his case.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download