“Get the ol’ face holes primed”

“Traveling at zero interknots”

“There’s still lactic acid buildup even if you work out your issues or exercise caution”

“I’m not sure that I’m not confused. Not.”

“There’s one compliment and two insults packaged into that butterflaps”

“Where does conception begin? Is it when the drunken captain is below deck slingin’ deck at a nice lady?”

“Fat people, fashion, manufacturer’s defects, and the fact that daytime TV is so terrible”

“Maybe we’re not on the same page. Maybe you’re a chapter or two ahead of me in this book.”

“It’s like in Being John Malkovich if you’re all John Malkovich throwing sticks into your own spokes and then taking your own bike to your own repair shop and fixing it.”